Trusting Dad

I have been a stay-at-home mom since the birth of my first child. I am the one who fed our baby, bathed her, changed her, took her for walks, played with her, later on read to her, and looked after all her needs. The same was done for the second born.

Father Holding Childs Hand Clip ArtMy children became used to me being the primary caregiver. They were hungry, they came to me. They fell and wanted a little tender-loving-care, they came to their mommy. They were tired, I was the one who put them to bed and sang them to sleep. It is not that their daddy did not care. He loves them very much but he worked long hours and would often be home for dinner and, a little time after, it was bedtime.

Now the children are older and as I begin working the dynamics are changing; as are the responsibilities of each parent. I have written about me, as a mom, needing to let go of my children. But now I find that my children need to let go of me – and learn to trust their dad.

Slowly the children are beginning to realise that it is okay to do things differently to the way mommy does it. They are beginning to trust that daddy knows what he is doing when taking care of them. The sandwich may not be prepared in mommy’s style; but it tastes just as good. Daddy may explain the Math problem in a different way; but eventually they will understand the concept.

Letting go and learning to trust seems to be an experience both parents and children need to understand. Just as I need to slowly learn to trust that my children are old enough to look after themselves; so too they need to let go of the apron strings.

Have your children learned to let go and to trust another caregiver?

© Colline Kook-Chun, 2012

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About Colline Kook-Chun

I am an educator, blogger, wife and mother. I enjoy reading, scrapbooking, crafting, photography, and spending time with my family.
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42 Responses to Trusting Dad

  1. RichardB1001 says:

    An interesting read. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Colline says:

      When speaking of raising children, it is not often we think of the child’s reaction to the dad as the caregiver. I have noticed this in my own children and was curious as to whether others had had this experience.

      • RichardB1001 says:

        I am 68 years old, so I reared my 2 children a generation ago and was more traditional. I worked, their Mother took care of them. Since retiring from my full-time job, I have spent a lot of time with both of them as adults, which I did not get to do with my father. Wish I had been perceptive enough to have done thing differently. But I am glad for what I have now.

        • Colline says:

          You were a dad of growing children in a different era – I know that growing up, my dad was the breadwinner and, as such, did not spend time at home with us like my mom did. Now with moms working as well, part of the responsibility of raising children has shifted onto dads. And I am thankful that my children are getting to know their dad as a person at a younger age than I did mine.

  2. newsferret says:

    Raising children is not for the meek and the mild.

  3. cocomino says:

    Good post. We, parents, learn a lot from our children.

  4. shimmeshine says:

    I can relate to this entirely. I am mostly the trouble shooter for my children, daddy is in the picture nowhere. I really wish, they let me go off, or they would grow up to be depending on me always….
    Their daddy isn’t interested in altering the situations, he loves his own comfort zone, so I am back to the square one….

  5. dogdaz says:

    I was lucky, as a single working mom, who traveled a great deal, my daughter always seemed to be comfortable with ‘strangers.’ I only remember one time with a baby sitter that she even cried when I left. No matter where I was in the world, she always knew that if she sneezed, Mommy would be back soon and taking care of her. So maybe she had to learn early that other people have their different, but acceptable, ways. She still thinks my grill cheese sandwiches (now vegan variety) are the best in the world. Somethings you just need a Mom for. I was forced to learn to let go when she was 8 weeks old and I went back to work, I think you are exactly right about learning to trust and also learning that, though not exactly the way you expect, other people can surprise you with their version of lunch. – Lorian of DogDaz

    • Colline says:

      You are right – as mommies we have to learn to trust as well that others can look after our children just as well even though they do not do it as we would. And no one can love you and be there for you as an emotional support as well as your mom can :)

  6. aFrankAngle says:

    I pass on answering the question on the grounds that we do not have children.

  7. Sonel says:

    Great post Colline. :)

  8. Shevy says:

    Trust in all directions is something I have had to learn with my own child in all directions. When I am not here on the island she is taken care of by my parents. I must trust them. When I return I must trust myself to offer my love in my way. I must trust her father when I take her to see him and I must trust my partner to show her love in his way. My daughter must learn to trust us all. It is constant journey of trial and error! Thanks for sharing!

    • Colline says:

      Thank you for sharing your experience with us Shevy. What a lucky girl your daughter has to have so many people to love and care for her :)

  9. My son is both Daddy and Mommy to his little ones. He works full time. Has no nanny or house keeper. I am so proud! The Grandies are great, secure and well-adjusted kids!

  10. enjoy says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m learning to let go of my kids as well. One will be going to college next fall. It is not easy, but I need to trust them into the care of their true Father as well as their earthly father. God Bless.

    • Colline says:

      I wish you the best as you learn to let go of your child next fall. Thankfully I have a few more years to go before I need to adapt to having my daughter live away from me.

  11. magsx2 says:

    A nice read while I am having my morning coffee. :)
    I think kids adjust a lot better than adults, they seem to go with the flow a lot easier.

    • Colline says:

      Thank you Mags for your compliment :)
      Sometimes I feel that we, as adults, have a lot to learn from children. As you say, they are far more adaptable than we adults are!

  12. scrapydo says:

    Lovely again. I was a single parent since my sons 12th year. When my husband was alive he took more care of my son than me because I was the one who had a day job and he worked shifts. He cared so well that I think he did a great job . I can see it today in the way my son is treating me and his partner as well as other people

  13. Without alternate caregivers for yor children, mommyhood can get a little overwhelming! Home in the early years with my little ones, then part-time work ramped up into full-time, the last couple of years. I am thankful that I was able to stay home with them when they were very little and am now thankful that I am able to get away for paid work, activist related work (non-paid), and other tasks or treasures with their Dad taking care of them.
    He was eased into this role when I started working weekends as well as during the week. I think it is important that my kids see their mother as a productive member of the household with outside interests as well. When they grow up and marry, they will expect that their wife will want a life of her own in addition to the family life and this makes for an interesting and healthy relationship!

    • Colline says:

      I agree – with the children seeing their mom going out to work, meeting friends and having her own interests, the children will realise that women are capable of doing so much more than just raising kids and running a household. Daughters will see that women have the right to live their lives according to their own dreams; and sons will realise that any woman they meet has her own aspirations and they will respect these.

  14. Leanne Cole says:

    The daddy in this house has always been a major figure for my children. He always bathed them when they were little, and on the weekend he would take care of them. So I never had that “letting go”. I have always felt that my main purpose as a parent was to prepare my children for the real world, and whilst it has been hard to open the door and push them through it, to experience life, it has been necessary. They started walking home from school earlier than others. Now they are on the verge of adulthood and I know, that while I will always be important to them, they know how to do much for themselves, they can be very independent beings.
    Love the post, really makes you think. :)

    • Colline says:

      Thank you Leanne :)
      Kudos to you for making your children independent. You are lucky to have lived in a neighbourhood and country which is safe for young children to walk home without worry. In some places, independent would depend a lot on the child’s understanding of how to avoid dangerous situations, and on how to defend themselves.

      • Leanne Cole says:

        Yes that is very true, though I think we teach them safety no matter where you are, we have had scares here, though not at all like some places. It just makes me mad when some parents here, still do everything for their children. These kids have never really known disappointment, or not ever been told no. I worry about their ability to survive in a world where their parents can’t protect them. I also keep hearing that teenage suicide is up, and so is it with young adults, definitely a problem for the affluent countries.

        • Colline says:

          I hear you Leanne. Some have gone to the extreme of protecting their children from disappointment – not thinking that they are not allowing their children to learn coping skills within a safe home environment. Children who are more independent, experience disappointment, and learn to share definitely are better able to cope with the world once they enter it as adults. I think that with each generation since the Second World War, children have been given more and expected to do less. I wonder when there will be a revolt against this and society reverts back to what once was.

          • Leanne Cole says:

            I think, mind you this is only guessing, our children’s generation have had it the best, but as the world spirals into more economic decline, our children will not be able to give their children the same. I feel sorry for out kids sometimes, they will have it hard as adults. Jobs will be harder to get, they are already saying that most will never own a home, money will be so much tighter. Have we just set them up for a life full of disappointment and will they know how to get through it? Sorry depressing topic I know, but I do worry about them at times.

            • Colline says:

              I believe that there will be some sort of revolution – and our children will be the ones who will lead it. As you suggest, capitalism will cease to work, socialism as used in Russia and China did not work. A new system will evolve which will help them to overcome the obstacles they will face. We cannot come up with the system as our minds are locked into what we know. The minds of the young have not yet been shackled – I hope I am alive to see the change and what they come up with.

  15. Nina Badzin says:

    I could never leave the house if I didn’t learn to let go and trust some wonderful babysitters we have. It’s so important for kids to know that others can meet their needs. Like you said–not the same as mom, but different. And that’s ok!

    • Colline says:

      It is such a blessing to a mom when she has others to help her take care of the children as there are times when you need to do things speedily without a handful of children in tow :)

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